La Victoire! (Finalement)

It might be possible for me to pass French this semester.

It's Wednesday afternoon, and I am sitting in French class with a massive headache. This is not surprising because I typically get migraines when I have to deal with idiocy or boring classes. My professor proceeds to pass out the Par Ecrit writing assignment. She finishes passing them out and walks to the front of the class when I realize she never handed mine back to me. Now I am freaking out, thinking that maybe she lost it, and now I'm going to have to REWRITE the Par Ecrit because of course she is going to say it's my fault...

As I am playing this internal worrying monologue, my professor starts reprimanding us, in French, for our horrible essays. I will provide a translated version of this conversation, as well as my internal thoughts in italics:

"I have to tell you, class, that these essays were not good. I can tell many of you rushed through them and did not pay attention to the prompt."
I totally did not answer this prompt.. what was I thinking watching the election results instead of starting on it earlier!?
"I probably should have given you all lower grades than I did but I think maybe I did not do a good job of explaining what I wanted in the essay"

Then, she picks up my blue writing folder from the table. I immediately recognize it because there is a large drawing of a star on the back that I did during class one day when I couldn't stand to listen to her rattle on about Senghor any longer.

Oh crap. She is going to say mine was the worst paper ever. I hope she doesn't read it in front of the class...
"D'accord, I thought one of you did very well on this assignment"
Wait... WHAT!?

Then, she proceeds to read my entire essay to the class, remarking on my wonderful use of vocabulary and lack of grammar mistakes. I am honestly, shocked. I think my face might have turned the same color pink as my scarf in that moment. Everyone in the class is looking around to see whose essay it is. Then, after she finishes reading it, she walks over and hands me my folder and everyone in the class looks as shocked as me because they all know I am HORRIBLE in French.

I don't know how this happened. But all I know is that (1) I have an awesome God and (2) He's making sure I don't fail French. And that's enough for me.

Lauren Helps Me Write My Paper...

This is what I get after I ask my sister to help me summarize some points to my research paper:

Story - Girl lives in NY, lush, slut, anorexic, shopaholic, works in clothing factory, cotton particles of fire in her lungs, roommate says she is going to get TB if she doesn’t let her momma her, bf = sickness, doesn’t listen, dances, TB, too much dancing, stops at TBA and read symptoms, so her own damn fault, bitch is dumb, doctor says go to the country, meets another TB victim, and had TB sex….leading to a super TB. Ew."


I think I'm going to have to get some one who actually knows a bit about history to help me with this one...

So What?

I have run into a brick wall for this research paper. I've got my conclusion : The discovery of the tubercule bacillus by Robert Koch in 1882 and the subsequent public health movement lead by Lawrence Flick changed social perceptions of tuberculosis. Instead of being a beautifying, romantic disease of the noble elites it became the disease of the working-class, immigrants, and blacks. This change can be seen in fictional literature published in the early 20th century.

While this works as a research topic, it still fails to answer the question, So what? Why do we care?

And the problem is, I really don't have an answer for that. It's the same question I've been struggling with since I got started on the paper. I think the problem with this could be that I didn't choose my topic.

There comes a point when you have to stop researching and start writing. But when do you know when to finally stop? I think, (1) when you can finally answer the question So What? or (2) when you realize your paper is due in a week and you have to meet the deadline.

I'm hoping I can get to (1) before I am forced to accept (2).

Hypergraphia, and Other News

According to my friend Kyle, I have an incessant need to write. I think this might be true. But, several famous authors were sufferers of hypergraphia, so I don't think that it is entirely a bad thing.

In 24 hours I will be at home, with my family and doggie. The only problem is I have a ridiculous amount of things to do between now and then. First, I have to finish writing a paper for French class. Then I have to go check out a couple more books from Taubman, which means a hike up to the medical campus. Afterwards I must do more laundry, pack my suitcase, and write an outline/abstract for my paper.

I'm really feeling the pain of 4 hours of sleep and 3 cups of coffee.

Christmas can not come soon enough!

Mourning Authors

It's always depressing when I find out another one of my favorite authors have died. I remember when Shel Silverstein died I was sad because I would never get to read another silly poem like "Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me Too" or marvel at the ink drawings that always seemed just a little to bizarre for children's books.

Worse is when I discover a new favorite author and then I realize that they have been dead for awhile. For some reason I thought that Ernest Hemingway was still alive (but just really old) and so I read a bunch of his books and was wondering when he was going to come out with a new one... then I realized he had died several years ago.

I remember having the same feeling after discovering the works of Jane Austen. In order to prevent myself from the sadness that comes after realizing I've read every work by an author, I have staved off reading "Sense and Sensibility" and "Northanger Abbey". Although a few weeks ago I realized that my library has copies of the unfinished manuscripts of "Sandition", "Lady Susan" and "The Watsons", as well as a collection of letters Austen wrote throughout her lifetime and so I may have to read those at some point during my stay at college. It might seem strange to non-bibliophiles but finding those manuscripts were seriously like Christmas to me.


I guess what brought all of this reminiscing about is because I just realized that Michael Crichton died this month and I somehow managed to miss it among all of the election hullaballo. I first read Jurassic Park when I was in 5th grade, mainly because it was worth 30 Accelerated Reader Points and because I enjoyed the movies so I thought the book would be better. I remember struggling to get through the book but once I finished I realized that I loved science fiction novels.

Luckily for me, I still have not read some of his newer works like "Prey" or "State if Fear". Also, there is talk of a book being published posthumously. Hopefully over winter break I will have some time to sit down and read some Michael Crichton and reflect on how the literary community has lost one more great author.

Re-Search

I hate the word Research. I mean, if you break it down, your basically searching for something that's already been found so you are re-searching it. Which makes me wonder why someone couldn't have just made me a list of key points so that I can write this damn paper instead of researching for all these sources, finding out there not at my library, then waiting for interlibrary loan... sigh. At least Google books is proving to by somewhat helpful.

At the present, I have approximately 1,000 pages I need to read before Tuesday, an outline for my paper due, a 2 page French composition, a rewrite of a 10-page paper, and an oral presentation to prepare for in French. And people HONESTLY wonder why I have anxiety. I think it's pretty obvious.

I need to find some restaurants to blog about for class next week. Anyone have ideas?

White Horse

I've been really busy lately with school and a new blogging projects for a class here at the UofM, so I'm sorry if you've all been left to wonder where I've gone.

School is going okay so far, although there is a very real possibility of me not passing French which will mean that I need to take it again next year. I'm usually good in French but my professor this semester is ridiculous. We had a quiz today and she quizzed us on a reading we never went over in class but that we were "suppose" to read on our own. Honestly, I think she forgot we hadn't gone over it but then she was angry because we told her that she hadn't taught us to it yet. Oh well. If I have to take it again next semester I'll take it with a different professor.

Yesterday I was talking to a friend about how I have unrealistic expectations. And I realized that maybe I wouldn't get as stressed out as much if I just stopped making so many expectations and goals for myself. For example, my history professor this semester told us that he would select one paper to publish in the UofM History of Medicine Journal and so now I've been psyching myself out all semester for this stupid paper because I want to get published. But, realistically, I haven't found that much original research so the actual chances of me getting published are nill.

Maybe I should quit praying for miracles and just start asking for patience.

Also, I just downloaded some songs off the new Taylor Swift CD today. I know that it's not cool to like Country music, but give me a break. I'm from Tennessee. =)

That I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around

Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror disappearing now
And its too late for you and your white horse
Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now

Designing Again

I forgot how much fun CSS can be. Today I started working on designing my blog for my Sweetland Writing Center course and I had managed to find a bunch of free images to make into a banner. It took me awhile to figure out how to work GIMP, but I'm glad I did.

There's nothing posted over there, yet, but if you want to give it a look, feel free.

What Should Have Been The Worse Night Ever

I'm on duty tonight, which should be the worst night of the year because it is the night after the Michigan State v. Michigan game (which we lost) but it hasn't been. At least, not yet. I am knocking on my desk as I type this.

I am struggling with an idea for this new blog I have to write for my writing class. I thought about writing a blog on my favorite but unknown restaurants and cafes in Ann Arbor, which would be amusing but I need a spin. Sasha seems to think that my spin needs to be tailored to the fact that I am a girl, like "best places to pick up a guy" or something like that. Sex and the City meets Food Blog. Problem is, I can't pick up guys. Ever. I need better bait or something.

That's ok though, because Sergeant Badass has returned to Grey's Anatomy. My Thursday's just got a little bit spicier.

Finally, A Return to Sanity.

I quit Genetics. Well, technically I withdrew, which is another euphemism for quitting. Oh well, it's not like I needed the class to begin with. In it's place I am taking a 1-credit course on the rhetoric of blogging. Should be more interesting, with the added bonus of giving me ideas on what I should actually right about in a blog to attract a wider audience.

I thought it would be interesting to write a blog about all of my dating debacles. Maybe it could be a collaborative project. Let me know if you want in, ladies.

Show Me How to Love Like You Have Loved Me.

This is one of my favorite lyrics from the song "Hosanna" by Hillsong United. Actually the whole bridge of this song is amazing:

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I walk from Earth into Eternity

The first time I heard this song it just shook me. I'm not sure why but it was at Concert of Praise for New Life and in the background they were playing a powerpoint and there were images of people helping others in poor countries and it just made me sad to think of how many people are truly in need. Not just in those countries but here.

There's this person whom I love dearly. And because I love themI want to share my faith with them. But every time I try I get scared, I think because I know their not ready to hear it. Hopefully though, if God wants me to share it then he will give me the words to say and the right motives for doing it.

Then Moses said to the Lord “O my Lord, I am not an eloquent man, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant, for I am slow of speech and slow of tongue.” The Lord said to him, “Who gave a mouth to man, or who makes a person mute or deaf or seeing or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? So now go, and I will be with your mouth and will teach you what you must say.” [Exodus 4: 10-12]

I Had That Dream Again Where...

I forgot to feed Ginger and she died. Only this time my sister was with me and we were staying in this weird hotel. Ginger was running along beside me and I realized she was really skinny and I asked Lauren if she fed her lately. She said she hadn't been feeding her cause she thought I was feeding her. Then Ginger looked sadly at me and I knew somehow that if I didn't feed her soon she was going to die. So we go to our hotel and we are waiting on the elevator and Lauren and I step in but Ginger doesn't make it so we are stuck riding up to the 26th floor. By the time we get back down to the lobby to get her she was dead. It was really depressing.

I don't understand why I keep having this dream. Ginger is fine, besides the small fatty tumor she had removed last month she's pretty healthy. Dream Moods Dictionary says this: "If the dog is dead or dying, then it indicates a loss of a good friend. Alternatively, it represents a deterioration of your instincts."

Interesting... I'm not really sure what this means.

What's With The Rain?

It's been raining here in Ann Arbor nearly non-stop all weekend. I do not like rain. If there was a "Stuff Liza DOES NOT Like" here on this blog, Rain would be #1 for sure. I hate that my pants get wet and then when I sit on them my butt gets wet. I hate that my hair goes from being sort of puffy to an afro in a matter of 5 minutes. I hate that I feel sticky everywhere I go. I hate that my umbrella does not prevent my arms from getting wet. I hate the rain.

I managed to get a fair amount of homework done this weekend though, on account of the rain. I'm trying to get a lot of stuff wrapped up before Emily's wedding this weekend so I can focus on spending time with my family (it's one of my goals for '08-'09 so let's hope I do better than last year). I'm excited for wedding cake and baking cookies with Grandma =)

Today I also checked out the University Lutheran Chapel on campus. I really liked the small feel of the service and the fact that they have communion. Maybe I will go to the Lutheran church in the mornings and to Core at New Life in the evenings. I know what you are thinking..."Woah that's a lot of church!" It's good though, I probably need it. And as it's the only thing right now not stressing me out it gets me through the week. So yay for God and church families =)

Now, if I could only secure a recommendation for the Honors program, find a way to be the best RA ever, and manage to be swept off my feet by my Prince Charming my life would be all set.

Stuff Liza Likes #2 - Librarians

Librarians are actually bespectacled angels. Plus, they are some of the smartest people I know (how do they remember that confounding Dewey decimal system? I mean really?).

Today I went on a hunt for an article I read in the Chronicle of Higher Education that I couldn't access online. After a frustrating 45 minutes on Mirlyn, I decided to seek professional help. The lovely librarian at the UGLI was able to locate it for me in 2 minutes, plus find the author's latest book and put it on hold for me. I told you they were angels.

I actually would not mind being a Librarian someday. All I would have to do all day is read books and summon information for overwhelmed college students. Plus, I would get to wear argyle, sweater vests, and cardigans every day! I think a career switch is in order...

What's Cookin in DC

Somehow a home-cooked dinner of canned black beans isn't quite as good after you've spent the last three days eating out every meal at fancy New York restaurants. I deposited a check today but it still hadn't shown up in my bank account this evening when I went out to do my grocery shopping so instead I scrounged up some food from the depth of my pantry. I made some weird black bean soup that was more of an experiment .... 1 can of black beans, two tablespoons of peanut butter for thicker broth, a teaspoon of mustard (the peanut butter made it too sweet), salt, and a dash of balsamic vinaigrette. Sounds utterly disgusting but actually the tangy sweetness of it was pretty good all around. Definitely better than garlic-butter noodles. I think the countless nights I stayed up watching Food Network with Alex has given me some ideas about what can and cannot work together and so I think overall my "experiments" are becoming tastier.

Everyone wants to know what is going on DC and I guess there really hasn't been that much. Last week was pretty fun, I got to go on some lobbying trips up to the Hill (one was unsuccesful, the other mildly so) but Congress was distracted because it was a recess week. It was exciting to be asked along though. On Sunday I got to take a tour of the West Wing of the White House (AMAZING!) and got to stick my head in the Oval Office. It was a great experience and I'll be sure to upload some pictures once I get home. I left the cable that hooks up my camera to my computer at home so I am unable to share them with you.

I found out last week that I might have TMJ (it's a joint / muscle disease in your jaw that is really painful) so my dentist put me on some muscle relaxers. They've been helping some but I'm still in alot of pain in the morning. I think when I get back I might have to get a retainer thing which will probably be uncomfortable (but preferable to jaw pain!)

That's all that is going on with me at the moment. Sorry if it's not very deep or thoughtful! I've actually been having some thoughts on where this blog might go after this summer. It might become more of a place I voice my opinions on social matters or highlight things of interest but for right now you are just going to get some updates on my life in our nation's capitol and I hope that is exciting enough.

I think I just lost my breakfast.

Facebook can really ruin someone's day. Especially when you log in to find out yet ANOTHER one of your friends is getting married and you are still hopelessly single.

This should really not be a big deal. We're only 20! Why is everyone getting married!? Personally, I'd rather have my freedom. Between my two jobs I doubt I even have time for a boyfriend.


Ok, so maybe I am just a wee bit jealous.

Today I saw Obama.

I was on my way to pick up my regular 5$ foot-long from Subway when I noticed quite a commotion outside of the DNC headquarters. I decided it was worth stopping to see who was inside since the last time there were that many press people outside it was for Charlie Rangel and I missed getting to see him tell Hillary to end her campaign. So I thought this time I would stick around to see who everyone was waiting for. About 30 minutes later, Senator Obama himself was seen exiting the building. I don't know if I expected him to be different than he was on TV but there he was, smiling at the cameras and the small crowd of starry-eyed interns and hill staffers. I think I might be in love.

Other than that today was rather uneventful. I had to work tonight at Starbucks and I got to learn how to make espresso-drinks which was fun (although now I smell like a giant coffee bean). Also, I found out some great news on the supplemental we've been working on. We don't really expect it to make it through to the final bill though since Bush seems intent on veto-ing any domestic spending but hopefully we'll get some money after all the effort we put in.

I wish that the Roll Call website allowed non-members to access articles so I could post a link to this amazing article I read today in the Heard on the Hill section (the gossip section, for those of you unfamiliar with Roll Call). Basically, it was mocking Congress for a recent bill they passed on ending interstate monkey trafficking because of the number of people who had reported monkey bites (But don't worry, according to a quote in HoH, you only have a 1 in 84 million chance of getting bit by a monkey today). I just don't understand how they can easily pass a bill on monkey trafficking but there seems to be no solution in sight for the ever-increasing gas prices, the GI bill, or the broken housing market. I guess Mike was right, this really is the "silly season" of Congress.

Running with Rainbows

Yes, I know this title is horribly corny. But I refuse to apologize. Today I discovered this amazing new website, Map My Run, and I decided that I would go for a run today around the Mall and some of the monuments. It was actually a nice run but I got worried once it started to rain. It seemed weird to me that it would be raining though because it was still so sunny outside. I turned to look behind me to see if there were storm clouds and instead I saw 3 rainbows arched across the sky, stretched from the Lincoln Memorial to the Washington Monument. It was AMAZING.

Then I got lost and ran for a bit along the Potomac and just enjoyed the day. After the rain it got really cool and so the rest of my run was really relaxing. I think I forget about how much I like to be outdoors until I actually push myself to do it and then I always wonder why I don't go out more. But now with this website I might try to run more often since I can map things out and then keep a record of them online.

Yesterday I met up with my friend Julia S. from Drew and her friend Lauren and we went to this Spanish restaurant in Chinatown. The food was really good (tapas!) but extremely tiny and so, unsatisfied, we headed over to Starbucks for coffee cake. I wish I would have remembered to bring my partner card though so I could have gotten free coffee. But since I have only been working at Starbucks for 2 days and technically don't have a partner number I don't know if it would have worked. Did anyone know that the name Starbucks came from the name of the first mate in Moby Dick (Starbuck)? And actually the "mermaid" is a Siren. Oh the random things you learn in Barista training.

As for my internship, I am actually starting to enjoy it tremendously. It's not something I can see myself doing for the rest of my life but now that I am starting to understand how all of this stuff can impact the University I am getting more into it. Plus, I've been given more responsibility and today Mike looked over my notes and said I did a great job which made me happy.

The bible study here is going well. We have a few people who are thinking of joining because they have some questions which is really exciting. The theology class is...going. I think that it's too much for me to wrap my head around sometimes but I really want to understand what different groups of Christians believe and what all the arguments are out there. I suppose though, in the end, what is really important to keep in mind is that "There is one body and one Spirit, [...] one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. " (Ephesians 4:4-6).


Side Note: Today I Stumble Upon!-ed the now abandoned Washingtonienne blog and thought about actually purchasing the book. Is it sad that I care more about some Staff Assistant's exploits with congressman than Scott McClellan's latest tell-all on the Bush Administration?

Reflections on D.C.

My PSIP coordinator sent everyone an email on how important it is to reflect on the experiences we are having during our internships in D.C, so this is my attempt at capturing two weeks of highs and lows.

I guess the first thing I need to talk about is my internship. I love the people in my office. They are all very helpful and fun people to be around. While I spend most of my time locked up in coalition meetings (where everything discussed is "off the record"), I am usually provided with breakfast or lunch. Considering I am living on limited funds right now, those free meals are amazing.

The one thing I don't like about me office is that I feel like I'm not really doing... anything. I mean besides attending the meetings, I typically just sit in my office and read newspapers (Roll Call, Politico, Washington Post, The Chronicle). Normally I wouldn't complain about having to do nothing, but the thing is I'm not getting paid. I am paying to be here in D.C. for a learning experience. And I feel like right now I am not learning anything. I'm not really sure how to ask them to give me more work.

So there is my reflection on my current job.

PSIP so far has been an interesting experience. I can say that I get along with everyone here but I feel like there are definitely some cliques already forming, between the people who work ON the Hill, and those who work for non-profits/think tanks/lobbying agencies. Everyone who works for congressmen seem to think they are the shit and no one else's job matters much. And for some reason unknown to me (and my roommate) there are girls on either side of our room that don't seem to like us very much. Haven't quite figured that one out.

I think the experience I am going to get the most out of isn't even going to be my internship. I think in some ways I am growing more in my relationship with God than I could have at LT. Here it is a struggle to stand up for what I believe in because I am not surrounded by my friends in Ann Arbor. I am constantly having to question why I believe something and how I am going to live out my faith or if I am going to be honest about what I believe. So while it's been difficult it's also been exciting to know that I WANT to do this because I think it's right, and not because I want to fit in with the crowd.

My friend Mike from New Life sent me a link to this church out here in DC (which is a lot like New Life). I went there last weekend and although it was kind of weird to go to church in a theater I really liked the service. I also joined a class on Theology and I am definitely excited to gain knowledge on the differences in Christian thought. I actually took this quiz, which theologian are you?, and the results were interesting. If you are reading this, take it and post what answer you got. I think it can tell a lot about what type of church you went to growing up (I got Martin Luther and Anselm).

So I guess, as a quick recap, I am still unsure of what I want to get out of this summer. Hopefully a good job review from my bosses, the chance to network with other interns, and to grow in my faith. Oh, and also to get a part-time job at Starbucks because I currently only have $40 to my name.

P.S. If you're reading this, I applaud you for making it through that entire stream of consciousness.

My First Day Of Work

Instead of calling everyone to rehash the days events, I thought it would be faster (and more coherent) if I just put it up here for you all to read.

7:00 am : Wake-up to both my clock and cell going off at the same time and freaked out for about 5 seconds because I haven't had to wake up to an alarm in a while. I then proceded to eat/ drink massive amounts of coffee/ pray that I didn't embarrass myself today/ etc.

8:20 am : Depart from my apartment to job.

9:01 am: Arrive at job to find that no one is there. Worried that maybe work wasn't starting until 10 since it was the day after a holiday so I worked on a Sudoko puzzle. P arrived about 15 minutes later (he had lost his key) and then C arrived 10 minutes after that so then we were able to go into the the office.

9:35 am: After a quick debrief and location of the office coffee pot, I was shown to my office. Okay, so, technically it is the guest office, but I get to work there this summer. It's huge and I have an enormous window with a view of the Capitol. C. brings me some summaries of the bills they've been tracking for the past couple of weeks and a cup of coffee.

10:00 am: M. arrives, we debrief for a few minutes and then he leaves to make a call. C. brings me some information on the University's endowment which was an interesting read. I always kind of wondered where we spent our money and I have to say I think the university is doing a great job.

12:00 pm: P., C., and I go down to the cafeteria and grab lunch. The food was great but kind of pricy. $10.00 for a chicken and cheese quesadilla? I'm packing for the rest of the week.

1:30 pm: P. discovers the intern briefing folder from some unknown corner of the office. While most of the material was waaaay outdated (1992!) some of it was helpful. P and I decided one of our projects this summer was going to be to update the folder.

3:00 pm: After scouring through the folder for useful information I have P. show me how to work the phones. Then I grab the office copy of Roll Call and have a look through. P says each morning I should read the Post, RollCall, and Politico (or at least browse through to see if they mention anything on our bills, or for listings of hearings).

4:10 pm: M. invites me to go to a meeting with him tomorrow to this Innovation Taskforce meeting. I look over the website so I am not completely out of the loop tomorrow.

5:01 pm: First Day of work is over! While it wasn't incredibly hard, it was a bit overwhelming at times. I feel like I am so behind on all this information but since Congress isn't in session this week I have some time to get my bearings.

5:30 pm: I took the Metro to Union Station so I could drop off my application at Ebenezer's Coffeehouse. Luckily, they were taking applications and said they might be able to offer me a job. I am praying that I will get to work there at least 3 times a week making some money because I haven't really come up with a Plan B and plus it's a Christian coffee shop. What's not to love about that?

6:00 pm: On the way back to the Metro, I spill the latte I got from Ebenezer's on my white shirt. Classy.

6:13 pm: While trying to figure out a way to prevent said spill from staining said white shirt, I miss the stop for Metro Center and ride down 3 more stops before realizing it.

6:30 pm: Finally arrive back at apartment after doubling-back on the metro and almost losing my wallet.

6:47 pm: Headed over to student packaging services to pick up my boxes of stuff. Then I get there and realize I hadn't made a plan for getting them back to my dorm.

6:58 pm: After frantically calling 411, finally contact taxi service that will take me (and my boxes) back to my apartment for $10.50

7:15 pm: Get boxes in my apartment. Think about unpacking but then cook a pizza instead.

8:00 pm: Unpack all the useless stuff I probably won't need but want to have around so I feel more at home.

8:36 pm: Finally take a shower.

9:00 pm: Plop down on the couch with a pint of haagen-daaz (spelling?) to indulge in some horribly trashy television. I know, I am to smart for this, but nothing is more rewarding after a day cramming my head with information and politics then watching other people's pointless drama. It is then that I realize my life is actually not so bad and I am somewhat successful at life.

11:00 pm: Started writing this blog, talked to Alex & compared first day stories, then finished blog.

I hope you enjoyed the run down. I'll try to keep you posted if anything extremely interesting happens. Oh and, mom and dad, I promise to give you a call later this week ;-)

Stuff Liza Likes #1 - [Extra] Bold Coffee

Once upon a time there was a girl who would only drink Mocha lattes and frappuccinos. Then, this girl when to college and realized she could no longer afford the $4.00 coffees every day so instead she started to just drink whatever the Baristas were roasting before she got there because it was only $1.68. Out of this serendipitous misfortune, the girl realized she had a penchant for a well-roasted bold coffee. Yes, in case you missed it, this girl was me.

I don't really remember when I first realized I enjoyed my coffee bold or extra bold, although I think I can pin it on the first time I came home and realized every cup of coffee I drank tasted like water. Nothing could measure up to a good cup of Sumatra from my corner Starbucks. So then I started to do a little online research and realized that most of my favorite roasts were considered "Bold". For those of you who have not been so daring (or who are just looking for a good cup of coffee) ask your baristas at Starbucks (yes I am sheltered and haven't figured out how this works at other fine coffee retailers) to brew you one of the following:

1. Sumatra - Extra Bold
2. French Roast - Extra Bold
3. Kenya - Bold
4. Gold Coast Blend - Extra Bold
5. Caffe Verona - Bold

Sometimes I have ordered a grande and have been given the entire carafe because they know that no one else is going to order it and it's better than just dumping it down the sink. Although, I think they charge you more to freshly brew the coffee. It's your choice - $4.00 for a milky whip-creamy thing that tastes more like a shake (and has 330 calories and 15 grams of fat) or $4.00 for an entire carafe of dreamy full-bodied coffee (15 calories and 0 grams of fat)? I'll take the coffee, straight-up and extra bold, if you please.

Fiscal Responsibility

In the past few weeks or so I have been racking up the credit cards, mostly because I had to buy several suits and other things to prepare for my internship in D.C. that starts next Tuesday. As a result, I've been learning how to pay bills (on time), calculate FICO scores (myFico.com offers a free 30-day trial that's been really helpful), and figure out how much money a month I spend on different things ($46.00 at Starbucks in May...)

Since I've started tracking my actual expenditures I've realized I have poor money management skills. I guess because growing up money just seemed like this invisible entity and I never really saw it, I just knew we used the AMEX card. Now that I actually have my own cards and I have to PAY the bills, it's starting to hit a little bit closer to home. I'm definitely feeling some pain right now, but thankfully my mother took pity on me and gave me some money to start off in D.C. I'm a pretty lucky kid that my parents can bale me out whenever I get in over my head and that I am getting a few years as a trial run before I get out of college and have to do this all myself.

I got a new phone today! It's the new Sprint Rumor phone by LG in White (although, Sarah and I decided it was more of a "pearl" color - I think we should tell the advertising companies to change the name.) Then I got a hot pink snap on cover, which is super girly according to Alex. I think though my favorite part is the slide out full QWERTY keyboard. I can finally send a text in under 5 minutes! INCREDIBLE!

Other than that not a whole lot is going on. I am excited and nervous at the same time for D.C. because I still need to find a part time job and I haven't heard from my job about how to get to work and what time to be there on Tuesday. But I think it will be fun and I am looking forward to being back with a small group.

I still need to make the "Stuff Liza Likes" blog. It's going to happen. Maybe in 20 minutes. Because I have nothing to do and I have a bad case of insomnia.

Smith Mountain Lake & Summer

This weekend I went with my friends Sarah and Drew to Virginia to stay with Drew's family on the lake (Smith Mountain Lake in Virginia). At first we were really worried that we would just have rain but then on Saturday it was sunny and beautiful so we were able to go out on the boat and jet ski. Being out on the lake made me realize how much I am going to miss spending summer in Tennessee cause my family usually goes to Percy Priest Lake every other weekend in the summer. [Although I'm not sure even if I was staying home we would go out on the lake, but I definitely miss those days]. Anyways, we had a ton of fun, I fell off the tube several times and got a mild-concussion / sun-burn but other than that everything was awesome. And Drew's aunt and uncle were so nice to us (I'm sure they were impressed that Drew rolled up with 3 girls).

I leave for Washington D.C. next Sunday and I have to be honest, it hasn't really hit me. The credit card bills have, though, unfortunately. I have exactly $15.00 until the end of the month. Hopefully though I can find some chores and stuff to do for some extra cash before I leave next weekend. I'm definitely excited to be in D.C. during an election summer but the financial situation of working full-time as an intern unpaid and a full time job at night is already making me nervous.

On a side note, the whole way back from Knoxville Sarah and I talked about relationships (past, present, possible future) and I started to get depressed. I realized that everyone I actually like or am attracted to are people who are totally wrong for me or just treat me poorly. I'm not really sure why I am attracted to these kind of guys, I suppose because they pose a challenge for me and I want to prove to myself that I am worth their attention or affection. I like playing hard to get as much as the next person but there comes a point where I just want to know that the person cares as much for me as I care for them, and it's been awhile since I have truly found that. I'm just wondering how many more fake relationships/dates I'm going to have to go through before I find something real. Maybe I should take Alex's advice and go learn an instrument (or how to apply make-up, since that seems to be a problem area for me).

Sorry this was so random. I just noticed I hadn't posted in awhile and you were probably wondering whether or not you should take me off your Live Bookmarks tab. I've decided to start a new feature, called "Stuff Liza Likes", inspired by Stuff White People Like (see sidebar). I started thinking the other day about how I usually just complain about things that bother me, so I wanted to start looking for things that I enjoy. Maybe I'll start tomorrow, with Bold Coffee. Hmm, this might require a field trip / tasting at Starbucks... I am liking where this is heading.

Tales of a Suburban Summer

Thank goodness it is only a few more weeks. I am going to be sad to leave my family (since I see them so little as it is) but being back in the suburbs is almost more than I can bear. First off, there are no coffee shops (Cafe Ambrosia how I long for thee...) and I have no car so I must stay at home all day and clean, do laundry, cook, and (more often than not) catch up on the several novels I have yet to read. Every day is one step closer to becoming Julia Child, although at least she was a spy.

I figured out another problem with my writing habits. Whenever I want to write something, I don't have anything to write in or with. Then when I sit down to write I can never figure out how to express what it is I want to say. I decided I would spend a few tonight working on a draft of my story for the advanced creative fiction class I want to get into next fall, but instead I am sitting here rearranging my blog and typing utter nonsense. I think that if someone wanted to they could use this as a casebook example of my entire life.

Today while I was asphyxiating in my suburban monotony, I started to read Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. I was first tempted to read the novel after seeing Serendipity a couple of years ago but never got around to it, until now. There are two major beefs I have with this novel. First of all, it is nearly a 400 page book and it has only 5 chapters. I really hate books with long chapters because you never feel like you can just set it down. So I have to trudge through 75 pages in one sitting which is a total nightmare if you are borderline-ADHD like me. Secondly, I don't understand why Marquez makes Florentino look like a saint for his almost psychotic infatuation with Fermina. If I was her, I would have freaked out and married a doctor too.

Which brings me to a new thought I have concerning dating and relationships in general. Is it really a good idea to show people how much you feel up front? My brother and I were discussing this today and he was saying how he hates when girls play hard to get because then he never knows if they like him or are just stringing him along. But I hate it when a guy lets me know that he is interested too quickly because it is so much more exciting when you don't know. I mean eventually I would want to know but not at first, not at the beginning. And I certainly wouldn't want him to sit outside my window serenading me with a waltz he had composed on the violin titled, "The Crowned Goddess". Woah. Talk about wearing your heart on your sleeve.

The basic underpinning to this is, as much as I like watching "chick flicks"or reading about people falling in love, open displays of affection and love are awkward for me. Sometimes I feel fake when I tell someone "I love you". Not always, but sometimes. I feel like my other actions, such as spending time with that person or engaging in meaningful conversations should be enough to show that I do really care about them without all the physical formalities or me actually expressing "I love you". I never felt that I needed other people to say these things to me because I could tell enough from their body language and their actions if what they said really matched what they were feeling. It's the simplest way to know if someone cares. If they love you, they will call you to see how you are doing. They will drop everything if you come into the room just to talk. When you look like you are having a bad day they will say something to cheer you up or ask you to do something to divert your attention. Oftentimes in our society we just say "I love you" because it is so much easier and less time-consuming than showing it, which, sadly, really lowers the face value of those three words.

My First B

I went to Wolverine Access today to check my grades and I finally made my first B. Well, if you want to get technical, it was a B+. But still, I was a little sad. Although I can't say I wasn't expecting it, since it was in French and I have been struggling in that class this semester. Everything else came out alright and I am still waiting to find out the outcome in History.

I really miss school, and I have only been home for 3 days, which is quite sad if you think about it. But in Ann Arbor I feel like I finally had a rhythm, a routine, something that has been lacking my life for some time now. I knew what was going on each day of the week, I knew where to find people if I wanted to hang out, I knew that no matter what time of the day it was, if I was hungry there was probably somewhere open and someone who would want to go (usually Alex). It's not that I don't like being around my family, its just that everything is different now and so I am forced to come up with a new routine and like most other people, I am a creature of habit and this is difficult for me.

I realized today how the late-night Wendy's and Pizza House have been taking a toll on my overall fitness. I went running today with my brother in Bowie Nature Park and I barely made it 1.5 miles before I started walking. Granted, it was 90 degrees and mostly uphill, but still, I was able to run the perimeter trail (4.8 miles) in February and now I can barely make it to the halfway point. I think I am going to dedicate the next few weeks to conquering that trail (and my burgeoning waistline).

Other than that I haven't been doing a whole lot except reading. I think I finally understand what Alex was talking to me about the other day of having a higher concept. Now I just need to come up with a good one. I think my gay-pride parade story might be a good one to start with but it still needs some work. With any luck, the A I made in 223 and a good short story could get me into the Advanced Creative Writing class with Peter Ho Davies. Although, then I would have to convince my mother into paying for my stay for an extra year....

They Call Me The Intimidator

Alright, well not really. But they should.

Last night was our IM championship game in mini-soccer. We won and now are proud owners of the lovely baby blue championship t-shirt but in the process of said victory I accidentally broke the nose of a girl on the opposing team. If we had been losing I might have been slightly (although internally) rejoicing but since we were already up 8 points it seemed like I was just being a jerk. It was totally accidental though. It just seems that no matter who I am playing against in soccer, I always end up hurting someone. I like to attribute it to my big-girl build (hey, it's got to be good for something, right?)

I'm just now starting to hear back from D.C. offices on the status of my internships. So far I've been turned down by the National Legislative Archives and have an interview with the University of Michigan governmental office. I'm not sure what I will be doing there exactly but I am thinking it's a sure job since I am a UofM student and they love having students on staff. I'm still holding out for an internship with the congressional office I applied to, although I am thinking my chances are fairly slim.

Tonight at dinner I had an interesting conversation with Alex. Let's just say it ended with him drawing an anatomically incorrect labia with strawberry sauce on a napkin. Priceless, and somewhat disgusting at the same time.

Good to See You

It's always a good feeling when you are thinking about someone and suddenly you see them and they give you this huge smile that lets you know they were thinking about you too.

=)

Internal Conflict

For the past few hours I thought that this odd tight feeling in my chest was due to the immense amount of homework and papers I have due in the next week. But after a working on some assignments I am realizing that this feeling is caused by a much larger issue...

So today in my RA class (see previous posts) we had to separate in groups based on whether we considered ourselves white and non-white. Then we did this activity called "Fishbowl" where one group sat in the middle and talked while the other group sat on the outside and observed. Have you ever had one of those moments that is so powerful that you just know that from now on your life is going to be completely changed? I guess for me I always thought it would be cool to be a minority group because you are automatically a part of a community. But hearing my peers talk about cliques, class, and the struggle to succeed while being held back by other people in your group who want you to "remember your history" and not "act white-washed" was such an eye-opener for me. There's such a struggle there to fit into your "community" but even within that community there are huge differences as in the white community. Also I realized that oftentimes I come into class taking it for granted that the professor is going to listen to what I have to say but these students have to come in and professors automatically assume that they are only there because of affirmative action policies. Then one guy in my class said that for him he has such a conflict of identities because he is a black gay male, and in a community of hypermasculinity he is often confronted with homophobia from men that should be considered part of his community. Which leads me to wonder, does this sense of community really exist? Just because someone is white or black or gay or whatever... is that really all there is? I think we're just people who are different and this whole idea of community is fluid. I think it's possible a person could be a part of several communities and may not feel like they are a part of any of them.

I thought what was revealed by the white students was just as interesting as what was revealed by the minority students. After going round and round in discussion I think we finally hit on why we are all just avoid talking about race or thinking about race. I think for the most part, all of the students said that because white history is littered with oppression of so many different types of people we hate to tie ourselves to that history because then we would have a share of the guilt and the blame. I think someone said it really eloquently: "There isn't really any group that benefit from prejudice and oppression in the long run. Sure in the short run it might seem that way but there are always people in the group who feel responsible and guilty later even if they disagreed with it to begin with. So no one escapes feeling hurt the prejudice causes." Maybe white people are afraid to talk about race because they don't want to take responsibility. But I know in my case I am just so afraid that I will accidentally say something that will add on to the damage and hurt that's already been done.

Another point I brought up (which caused alot of tension, even though I had the best intentions by the statement) was how alot of times I have wished I was a part of a minority group just because I feel ashamed of being white. I guess when I first found out about slavery and the Civil War I just felt so guilty, like it was my fault. Then when I found out my family was German I was excited because I had a different, more interesting, heritage to cling to. Then came 5th grade history class and I learned that the Germans were responsible for murdering millions of Jews. Then I didn't want to be a part of that heritage either. And I think alot of white people feel that way. We do have backgrounds and heritage but their all rooted in oppressing other people so what good is that? But apparently this did not settle well with the other students because, as one student said, "Do you think I like have a heritage of always having to struggle for something?" Point taken. The thing is, it's good to remember your history. But let's try to leave the past in the past and make a new history. I just remember vividly I had this moment where I didn't see anyone but I just felt their presence as people (this might get corny), and I just though about how much of our human experience is influenced by our outside appearance. If I had been born a different race I am sure who I am would change drastically. But I think that realization that when it comes down to it we are all humans with human emotions is important to understanding each other.

Ok so. I know that was long. But I have more.

I've realized in the past week or so why I haven't had fun in college. I think I spend so much time just trying to find a group that I fit into that I tend to not be myself. It's like the only time I can be myself is when I am alone or with a couple of my close friends. I'm still so lost on who Liza is that I can't even find friends who I can be myself around. I mean the people I hang out with now on campus are all fantastic people. The main reason why I am friends with them is because they are the people I wish I could be. I wish I could be a strong Christian. I believe that God is out there, but having a relationship with the creator of the universe? Sounds intimidating. I can't even talk to the hot guy who is studying in the CLC across from me. How could I ever talk to the God of all creation? Not only that but I am a relationship avoider. And I had a self-epiphany today on why that is. I don't want to have any obligations to anyone and so I avoid relationships because then I would be accountable to that person. I would have to explain my feelings. I would have to stop being selfish. I would have to put that person above myself. And to be honest, as much as this self realization is hurtful and I want to change, I can't honestly say that I ever will. I want to have deep meaningful relationships but my will for self-preservation and my deep fear of vulnerability prevents me from having them.

Anyways I think I am done being deep and emotional now. Thanks for reading.

Gypsy

I am sitting here waiting on my roomate from last year to give me a call so we can go out on the town for St.Patrick's day. Since last year I have definitely cut back on my partying ways but it seems that this weekend has been a little crazy. Last night I went bowling with some friends but afterwards I was in a weird mood so I met up with Sam and Yuan on Main Street where we had some dessert and martinis. I suppose they didn't card me because 1) I look over 21 and 2) If you're going to spend $16 on martinis then you deserve to be there. That was a pretty fun experience (fizzing pomegranate martinis are my new favorite drink, in case you want to buy me one for my real 21st) but afterwards I still didn't feel any better. Which lead to me to question why after almost an entire year at Michigan I still don't feel any better than I did at Drew. I mean, last year at this point my only thought was that once I was at Michigan life would be better. I would be happy, I would have a ton of girlfriends, and (hopefully) an amazingly smart and attractive boyfriend. But none of that has really happened. And I have to wonder if it's just me or if its just time to pick up and move again.

I don't know if moving would necessarily be the answer. Any time I feel out of place or unhappy I just move again. I'm not entirely sure if this gypsy wandering will ever really bring me to where I want to be or if it will just serve to make me more lost, but the past few nights I have been considering staying in DC for the fall semester for the Michigan in Washington program or going to France.

Its not that I am incapable of making friends. I think I am just more guarded than the average person. I'm not really sure what happened to make me become this way, because I know I was like this well before I started dating Jeff. I've just never trusted people in general, and I think I am terrified that they are just going to let me down or that I will become an "inconvenience" or something which is totally stupid because I think in general people enjoy my company. Maybe because I feel this way I don't act like myself around other people. On Friday, Ricki told me that I had two personalities. He said when I was at work I was crazy and fun to be around and laughed a lot but when he saw me around I always looks upset or sad. I thought that was an interesting (and accurate) observation.

Anyways. Enough about that.

I had to turn in my first scene of my play this week. I tried to be funny... I don't think I am good at doing funny but I think it turned out alright. I tried to write a parody on the debate on whether or not a national health care program would cover smokers. In my play the national health care program decides not to cover people who eat meat... Alex said I should make it a society that didn't allow people to have sex but when I tried to write out the dialogue to that scene I realized how incredibly embarrassed I would be to have it work shopped in class. Maybe some other time, Sasha. I''m not sure how to upload files onto this thing but if I find a way I will upload it so you can have a read.

Also, I am pretty much set on going to D.C. this summer. I thought for awhile about doing LT through my church but I don't know if I am ready for that just yet. I think my phobia to relational commitments has transcended human relationships. I think God understands. Hopefully, even though I am applying for internships rather late, I will get a job offer. I think I am pretty much guaranteed a job at the UofM lobbying office in DC which could be fun, but I'm hoping I'll get one of the foreign policy jobs I am applying for. Maybe I will also find a guy who aspires to be a famous politician... but then again, maybe I don't want to date the next Elliot Spitzer.


**Side Note for My Social Psych Class**
Today I went to Asian Legend with Sam and Yuan, and the waiter gave me a fork and knife "just in case". I think it was really because he assumed I couldn't use chopsticks but it gave Sam and Yuan a laugh at my expense, especially when I tried rather awkwardly with my chopsticks to eat two potstickers at once. =]

Succesful Jean Shopping

Anyone who knows me well enough knows that the one thing I absolutely HATE to shop for is jeans (a close second is shopping for formal wear but that doesn't occur nearly as often). Today I went to the mall in search of a pair of jeans, expecting it to take me a good 3 to 4 hours, but I managed to find a pair that was 1) on sale, 2) favorite style, and 3) a size smaller than I usually buy. 1 alone would have been enough to have my jumping for joy, since the past two times I have been shopping for jeans I have spent close to $90 on one pair. But I think I was most excited about the size. Since eleventh grade I have wavered consistently at a size 12/14. This was the summer after my strange strep epidemic that left me 30 pounds heavier and has been a pain in the butt to work off. The last time I was wearing a size 10 was when I was a sophomore, so this was pretty exciting (I know, not a huge size difference but still, it makes me optimistic).

I know this was not a heavily intellectual post, so sorry if I wasted your time. But if you had nearly the trouble I have had with jean shopping (i.e. almost having an emotional breakdown at the Buckle) you would understand =]

A Little Clarification

I suppose after my first blog, "Social Identity", I may have left some readers with the wrong impression. I understand that as a white person (or European-American) in society that I have been given several privileges, some of which I have only recently become aware of. For example, the other day I was at the mall waiting in line to buy a dress and the cashier ignored the Asian girl standing in front of me. I had to point out to her that the other girl had been waiting in line before me. I don't know if she consciously had decided to serve me first or if she just hadn't noticed the other girl but either way, I think this could definitely qualify as one situation where I was given the benefit of "white privilege".

While I do understand that racism is very pervasive in our society, I am also afraid that by creating these collectivist groups centered on racial or ethnic pride that we may very well be perpetuating the things we are fighting against. Furthermore, I sometimes wonder if it is fair that other people get to celebrate their heritage but I am unable to celebrate mine without seeming like some kind of xenophobic bigot. I think the point of accepting different ethnicities is in accepting everyone's ethnicity. Maybe that is too much of an idealistic goal but I think that we will have to work together to break down stereotypes, and part of the way we do that is by fostering inter-group dialogue. How can we understand another group's culture if we never talk about it? If we constantly live in a hypersensitive society, we will never learn how to reconcile our differences or realize our similarities.

Although I hate UROP, I sometimes find really interesting things that make the project almost worth the several hours I put into it. This past week I found an interesting video made by Will.I.Am of the Black-Eyed Peas that uses clips from Senator Obama's New Hampshire speech. I think my favorite part of the entire video is when John Legend sings in accompaniment to Obama:

"We know the battle ahead will be long, but always remember that no matter what obstacles stand in our way, nothing can stand in the way of the power of millions of voices calling for change. We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics. They will only grow louder and more dissonant. We’ve been asked to pause for a reality check. We’ve been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope. But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about our hope."
[emphasis added]

I think this is a fantastic message, and one of the many reasons I hope Senator Obama wins the Democratic nominee for President.

I Hate UROP (And Other Non-Epiphanies)

I have spent the last 4 hours in the CLC working on my UROP project. It's not that my project isn't interesting. Finding out what songs Millard Fillmore used for his Presidential Campaign really gets me going. No, it's not the lack of interest. It's the lack of actual work that needs to be done. First of all, most of the songs that I need to get to are located in a collection in the Clements Library. In order to look at this sheet music I have to come between the hours of 1-4 in the afternoon, and I usually have class. I have tried to find some of these songs online but due to copyright laws I can't find any of the lyrics. So I usually spend about 45 to 50 minutes doing actual work and the rest of the time I fiddle around on Youtube and Barely Political finding funny music videos for the 2008 elections, which is way more interesting than Fillmore. Maybe one day I can be like Alex's friend from Stanford who gets people to pay for her to talk about rocks. Except I can talk about Presidential Campaign Songs. I don't think there are to many people out there studying it since I can find NO resources on the topic.

I had this really strange dream last night that my dog came to visit me for a week and I was so busy with exams and writing papers that I forgot to feed her and she died. It was a really depressing dream. It's after I have dreams like that that I wish I wasn't such a vivid dreamer. But, as I recalled this dream at breakfast over a vanilla-cinnamon bagel I thought maybe God was trying to send me a message that I was neglecting something. I am not sure if it is my family, my friends, myself, or my relationship with him. Things like that are too complex to think about over bagels.

Social Identity

The one thing I hate the most about University of Michigan (besides the freakishly cold winters) is that they only provide need based financial aid. According to the government, my family does not fall into this "need-based" category, so I am left paying the $40,000 yearly tuition. So, thinking I would try to save some money I decided to apply to be a Resident Adviser. I got in, but now I have to take this Psychology class on Social Identity.

Taking this class has made me realize one thing. First off, prior to coming to college I have had limited to no experience with people of a different ethnicity than my own. I suppose since I grew up in the little white bubble of Fairview, Tennessee that it was easy for me to pretend racism didn't exist. How could it? Everyone there looked just like me. So now when I have to read all of these articles about "white oppression" I get angry. I can't consciously remember a time when I have said or done something racist. But I sure can remember several times when me being white has affected my chances at getting into school, getting an internship, or receiving a scholarship. How come there are no articles about that? And why do I get labeled "white" when everyone else gets cool hyphenated names like "Asian-American" or "African-American". From now on, I want to be known as "European-American", not white.

I think I have figured out what I am going to do this summer if the internship opportunity in D.C. falls through. There are two options. Option 1 is to go to Leadership Training for New Life. I think this could be a fun trip but would leave me in some debt at the end of the summer. Option 2 is to spend the summer building a writing portfolio of short stories for the Oleander Review and the Hopwood Awards next summer, and possibly sending some out for scholarships. And I could work part-time at Starbucks or Borders. I am thinking Option 2 sounds like a better idea right now, mainly because I am broke and I think my dad would like to have a girl living in the house again.