Gypsy

I am sitting here waiting on my roomate from last year to give me a call so we can go out on the town for St.Patrick's day. Since last year I have definitely cut back on my partying ways but it seems that this weekend has been a little crazy. Last night I went bowling with some friends but afterwards I was in a weird mood so I met up with Sam and Yuan on Main Street where we had some dessert and martinis. I suppose they didn't card me because 1) I look over 21 and 2) If you're going to spend $16 on martinis then you deserve to be there. That was a pretty fun experience (fizzing pomegranate martinis are my new favorite drink, in case you want to buy me one for my real 21st) but afterwards I still didn't feel any better. Which lead to me to question why after almost an entire year at Michigan I still don't feel any better than I did at Drew. I mean, last year at this point my only thought was that once I was at Michigan life would be better. I would be happy, I would have a ton of girlfriends, and (hopefully) an amazingly smart and attractive boyfriend. But none of that has really happened. And I have to wonder if it's just me or if its just time to pick up and move again.

I don't know if moving would necessarily be the answer. Any time I feel out of place or unhappy I just move again. I'm not entirely sure if this gypsy wandering will ever really bring me to where I want to be or if it will just serve to make me more lost, but the past few nights I have been considering staying in DC for the fall semester for the Michigan in Washington program or going to France.

Its not that I am incapable of making friends. I think I am just more guarded than the average person. I'm not really sure what happened to make me become this way, because I know I was like this well before I started dating Jeff. I've just never trusted people in general, and I think I am terrified that they are just going to let me down or that I will become an "inconvenience" or something which is totally stupid because I think in general people enjoy my company. Maybe because I feel this way I don't act like myself around other people. On Friday, Ricki told me that I had two personalities. He said when I was at work I was crazy and fun to be around and laughed a lot but when he saw me around I always looks upset or sad. I thought that was an interesting (and accurate) observation.

Anyways. Enough about that.

I had to turn in my first scene of my play this week. I tried to be funny... I don't think I am good at doing funny but I think it turned out alright. I tried to write a parody on the debate on whether or not a national health care program would cover smokers. In my play the national health care program decides not to cover people who eat meat... Alex said I should make it a society that didn't allow people to have sex but when I tried to write out the dialogue to that scene I realized how incredibly embarrassed I would be to have it work shopped in class. Maybe some other time, Sasha. I''m not sure how to upload files onto this thing but if I find a way I will upload it so you can have a read.

Also, I am pretty much set on going to D.C. this summer. I thought for awhile about doing LT through my church but I don't know if I am ready for that just yet. I think my phobia to relational commitments has transcended human relationships. I think God understands. Hopefully, even though I am applying for internships rather late, I will get a job offer. I think I am pretty much guaranteed a job at the UofM lobbying office in DC which could be fun, but I'm hoping I'll get one of the foreign policy jobs I am applying for. Maybe I will also find a guy who aspires to be a famous politician... but then again, maybe I don't want to date the next Elliot Spitzer.


**Side Note for My Social Psych Class**
Today I went to Asian Legend with Sam and Yuan, and the waiter gave me a fork and knife "just in case". I think it was really because he assumed I couldn't use chopsticks but it gave Sam and Yuan a laugh at my expense, especially when I tried rather awkwardly with my chopsticks to eat two potstickers at once. =]