This past weekend my parents went to Gatlinburg for their anniversary. Unfortunately, their cabin was broken into and they lost all of their prescription medicine as well as their laptops and ipods. They filed a police report and today the pharmacy called us to let us know that someone had been pulled over and caught with the prescription for Percoset in their car (a leftover from my brother's recent oral surgery)and a bag with my mom's bathing suit. This, after spending all afternoon buying insurance to protect our entire family from identity theft since our recent tax documents were on their laptops.
After receiving the news, we decided to go to the local Mexican restaurant, La Plaza, for my mom's birthday. We were going to tell the waiter it was my mom's birthday but she told us not to, because then they would put a giant sombrero on her head and shove flan in her face. After everything else she had been through in the past 24 hours, she could not handle having flan shoved in her face to a rousing round of "Feliz Cumpleanos" so we decided not to tell the waiter.
Halfway into dinner, (and 3 margaritas after the fact) my mother starts discussing the robbery:
Mom: "Now I'm no deductive, but I think it was an inside job"
Lauren (My sister): "Uhh... you mean detective?"
Mom: "That's what I said! Now I think what happened was the cleaning lady told Colonel Mustard about the extra Percoset. Then he told the Maintenance Man so he could break in the door. And then he took all the drugs."
Me: " Colonel Mustard? What is this, CLUE?"
Mom: "Yea well I hope that asshole took all my estro-pills on accident and grew some man-boobs. Then maybe he can run around wearing my bathing suit in prison. Now where is our waiter? I gotta get out of here. I want ice cream. But I don't want to wear no damn sombrero"
Me: "Hey wait! I think I hear them singing! I think Dad told them!"
Mom: " Get outta my way, I don't want to be here!" (stiff-arms me out of the bench and takes of running to the car)
It was hilarious. One day, I plan on writing an entire book on my family. I'll be the next David Sedaris and I'll get to appear on daytime shows like Oprah and Ellen.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Breakable
I love love LOVE this song.
"Breakable" by Ingrid Michaelson
Have you ever thought about
What protects our hearts?
Just a cage of rib bones
And some other various parts
So it's fairly simple
To cut right through the mess
And to stop the muscle
That makes us confess
And we are so fragile
And our cracking bones make noise
And we are just breakable, breakable, breakable
Girls and boys
And you fasten my seatbelt
Because it is the law
In your two-ton death trap
I finally saw
A piece of love in your face
That bathed me in regret
Then you drove me to places
I'll never forget
And we are so fragile
And our cracking bones make noise
And we are just breakable, breakable, breakable
Girls and boys
"Breakable" by Ingrid Michaelson
Have you ever thought about
What protects our hearts?
Just a cage of rib bones
And some other various parts
So it's fairly simple
To cut right through the mess
And to stop the muscle
That makes us confess
And we are so fragile
And our cracking bones make noise
And we are just breakable, breakable, breakable
Girls and boys
And you fasten my seatbelt
Because it is the law
In your two-ton death trap
I finally saw
A piece of love in your face
That bathed me in regret
Then you drove me to places
I'll never forget
And we are so fragile
And our cracking bones make noise
And we are just breakable, breakable, breakable
Girls and boys
Sunday, August 16, 2009
No Rhyme, No Reason.
Today Lauren and I decided to clean out our closet (which is more like an extra bedroom than a closet) and I found a box full of journals and half-finished stories from high school. It's actually kind of interesting to see some of the common themes in my writing during that time in my life. Most of it was about relationships I had with my friends, boyfriends, and family members. One of the best things I found (which was actually something I had been looking for for awhile) was a book of poetry I had started writing in during my sophomore year of high school. Some of it is really really bad... I am almost embarrassed to say I wrote it, although I suppose I can just say it was a rough draft. There were a couple of good ones that I thought I would share here for posterity's sake.
"Censored"
[5.23.2007]
Sometimes the thoughts in my head
Manage to make their way out
Before reason gets a chance to censor them
It seems as if I am suffering
From some type of verbal incontinence.
Although I suppose now would be the appropriate time
If there ever was such a designated time or situation
In which one would be allowed to be
vulnerable
defenseless
exposed.
Maybe I could wear a surgeon's mask
That would filter all the words I said
As they made their way out of my mouth
It would capture the rogue words
Better left to the confines of my subconscious
Letting the rest slip through,
Slightly indiscernible
But at least not emotionally jarring...
Then I could talk to you again
Without feeling like such a fool.
"Addicted"
[9.29.2004]
I'll never be what you want
Even though I try my hardest
My heart pumping a million beats
And all I want is to know
That I'm good enough
Countless hours refining my skills
Going out of my way to do what you want
I don't know why I stay here
And allow myself to sink further
Some are addicted to drugs,
Others to money,
But I am addicted to the painful submission
Of earning your respect.
"Photograph"
[11.04.2005]
I develop all of my responses
In sepia tones
But you don't see it
You've only seen black and white
Never the confusing chromatic shades
That I know so well.
Whenever I look at this photograph of us
It is like seeing a negative
Everything that was once dark is now light
And now I understand,
It was never about me.
"Censored"
[5.23.2007]
Sometimes the thoughts in my head
Manage to make their way out
Before reason gets a chance to censor them
It seems as if I am suffering
From some type of verbal incontinence.
Although I suppose now would be the appropriate time
If there ever was such a designated time or situation
In which one would be allowed to be
vulnerable
defenseless
exposed.
Maybe I could wear a surgeon's mask
That would filter all the words I said
As they made their way out of my mouth
It would capture the rogue words
Better left to the confines of my subconscious
Letting the rest slip through,
Slightly indiscernible
But at least not emotionally jarring...
Then I could talk to you again
Without feeling like such a fool.
"Addicted"
[9.29.2004]
I'll never be what you want
Even though I try my hardest
My heart pumping a million beats
And all I want is to know
That I'm good enough
Countless hours refining my skills
Going out of my way to do what you want
I don't know why I stay here
And allow myself to sink further
Some are addicted to drugs,
Others to money,
But I am addicted to the painful submission
Of earning your respect.
"Photograph"
[11.04.2005]
I develop all of my responses
In sepia tones
But you don't see it
You've only seen black and white
Never the confusing chromatic shades
That I know so well.
Whenever I look at this photograph of us
It is like seeing a negative
Everything that was once dark is now light
And now I understand,
It was never about me.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Careless Whisper
My brother shared this new cover done by Seether of the 1984 George Michael's song "Careless Whisper". At first I was a little disappointed - I've been waiting for a new Seether album to come out for awhile & this is the first single they release? Since then, though, it has definitely grown on me. Some of my favorite lines:
Time can never mend
The careless whispers of a good friend
To the heart and mind
Ignorance is kind
And there's no comfort in the truth
Pain is all you'll find
Tonight the music seems so loud
I wish that we could lose the crowd
Maybe it's better this way
We'd hurt each other with the things we want to say
I've always thought it was best to tell someone the truth, unless it would unnecessarily cause them pain. For example, I would never tell a girlfriend that she looked bad in a dress if she was dressed for a special occasion, because it would only make her more self-conscious. (Now, if I was going shopping with them before hand I would let them know the truth so they didn't make a bad purchase) But that's a very simple example.
I think people should tell the truth, but it is interesting how sometimes the things we want to say to the people we care about most are rather careless. There has been several times when I have had to restrain myself from telling people the things I think are true about them ("you are selfish", "you need to grow up and quit living off your parents", "you need to quit using others") but that I never say. What's the point. As the song suggests, "Ignorance is kind".
Opinions and Criticisms welcome. =]
Time can never mend
The careless whispers of a good friend
To the heart and mind
Ignorance is kind
And there's no comfort in the truth
Pain is all you'll find
Tonight the music seems so loud
I wish that we could lose the crowd
Maybe it's better this way
We'd hurt each other with the things we want to say
I've always thought it was best to tell someone the truth, unless it would unnecessarily cause them pain. For example, I would never tell a girlfriend that she looked bad in a dress if she was dressed for a special occasion, because it would only make her more self-conscious. (Now, if I was going shopping with them before hand I would let them know the truth so they didn't make a bad purchase) But that's a very simple example.
I think people should tell the truth, but it is interesting how sometimes the things we want to say to the people we care about most are rather careless. There has been several times when I have had to restrain myself from telling people the things I think are true about them ("you are selfish", "you need to grow up and quit living off your parents", "you need to quit using others") but that I never say. What's the point. As the song suggests, "Ignorance is kind".
Opinions and Criticisms welcome. =]
Monday, August 10, 2009
Reflections on Shopping at Salvation Army.
I am a denim addict. I had over 20 pairs of blue jeans and to make room in my closet I took about 13 of those pairs to Salvation Army. And what do after I drop off my donation? Oh yea, I went to the racks of jeans to see if I could find some nice jeans for under $10 (which I did) It's truly pathetic.
While I was poring over the hundreds of pairs of jeans, analyzing pocket details and then seeing if they would fit, I realized that some of the jeans at Salvation Army definitely belonged in a salvage heap. I mean really, who donates jeans with a hole in the crotch of the pants? Or covered in grease? Or in some weird goop from who knows where?
Which brings me to my next thought after that... who donates underwear to Salvation Army? I spent a good long time wondering who actually bought said underwear but now I am curious how it even gets there in the first place. I personally would be creeped out if I knew someone out there was wearing an old pair of my underwear... gross.
The best purchase I made today by far was a Discman for $2.00!! It's even dec-ed out with some sweet stickers that say "GIRLS RULE!". Love it. Now I can have music for my long drive home to Tennessee. I don't have that many CD's but I borrowed some of my grandparents old country CDs so I can get in the southern mood before I make it home tomorrow night. I just wish I hadn't packed away my cowboy boots in storage...
Final Note: I am on the last few chapters of "The Shack" by William Young but I dont want to finish it because it's sort of over the top. The idea that everyone has their own light colors and it envelopes people they are in relationship with... REALLY?! Not that it couldnt be true but it just seems a little hokey-ish to me.
I don't really know why I wrote this except that I am bored...
While I was poring over the hundreds of pairs of jeans, analyzing pocket details and then seeing if they would fit, I realized that some of the jeans at Salvation Army definitely belonged in a salvage heap. I mean really, who donates jeans with a hole in the crotch of the pants? Or covered in grease? Or in some weird goop from who knows where?
Which brings me to my next thought after that... who donates underwear to Salvation Army? I spent a good long time wondering who actually bought said underwear but now I am curious how it even gets there in the first place. I personally would be creeped out if I knew someone out there was wearing an old pair of my underwear... gross.
The best purchase I made today by far was a Discman for $2.00!! It's even dec-ed out with some sweet stickers that say "GIRLS RULE!". Love it. Now I can have music for my long drive home to Tennessee. I don't have that many CD's but I borrowed some of my grandparents old country CDs so I can get in the southern mood before I make it home tomorrow night. I just wish I hadn't packed away my cowboy boots in storage...
Final Note: I am on the last few chapters of "The Shack" by William Young but I dont want to finish it because it's sort of over the top. The idea that everyone has their own light colors and it envelopes people they are in relationship with... REALLY?! Not that it couldnt be true but it just seems a little hokey-ish to me.
I don't really know why I wrote this except that I am bored...
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Growth
Today I was going through some old boxes of stuff in my grandparent's basement in the hope that I could minimize some of my crap before returning to school in the fall. My room next year is going to be about half of the size as my room last year so I really need to get rid of extra books/clothes/etc. As I was stumbling around in the dark (the light fixtures in the basement are circa 1950-something and the light bulbs are all burned out) I found my old journal from freshman year of college. I was reading through the some of the old entries and my heart ached for the broken and confused girl I use to be.
"I feel as if I am trapped here inside myself. There is a fire burning inside me, fueled by the anger, resentment, and loneliness that are my constant companions." [12.12.06]
"I know this holiday is suppose to be about Jesus' birth, but I just feel empty. I wish I could be like everyone else and just BELIEVE but something always holds me back. Rationality and doubt I suppose. I just don't understand how God is understood so differently by everyone. Some people say gays go to hell but murderers can still be forgiven. How does that work? And what about Muslims and Jews? Don't we believe in the same God? The problem with just believing in science though is that there is still an emptiness inside me that can't be explained. I want to try to understand. I don't want to be confused for my whole life. I want to know what is true. This morning on the news the reporter was asking people where they would like to see peace in the world and one man said "within myself" and I whole-heartedly agreed." [12.25.06]
"I stopped putting my faith in God and instead subscribed to a faith rooted in science. Then I thought that maybe God didn't exist at all - that he was just created by world governments in order to control humankind. After deciding God must be a fabrication, then sin must also be a fabrication in order to keep people in line. So I began to do all the things I had always condemned others for doing. But if sin is just a fabrication, why do I feel so guilty? I think deep down I know the reason but I don't want to believe it's true. Because if I believe God exists then I have to give up everything." [07.17.07]
"I went to a bible study today.. I always have a hard time with religion and today was no exception. I feel like the New Testament is overly preachy - a checklist of things I must do in order to be the "perfect Christian". Does such a thing even really exist??"[10.03.07]
My journey to where I am now has definitely been an interesting one. For the first time this summer I realized the message I had been missing as a Christian was one of GRACE. I always felt as if God was abandoning me and judging me for the things I had done. Looking back now I realize I was rejecting him. I didn't want His grace - I wanted to try to earn my own salvation. No wonder I felt alone and frustrated. Leadership Training has definitely helped change this outlook for me, and I am so thankful that God used the opportunity to show me how He loves me persistently and unconditionally. I no longer have to fear being alone. =)
"I feel as if I am trapped here inside myself. There is a fire burning inside me, fueled by the anger, resentment, and loneliness that are my constant companions." [12.12.06]
"I know this holiday is suppose to be about Jesus' birth, but I just feel empty. I wish I could be like everyone else and just BELIEVE but something always holds me back. Rationality and doubt I suppose. I just don't understand how God is understood so differently by everyone. Some people say gays go to hell but murderers can still be forgiven. How does that work? And what about Muslims and Jews? Don't we believe in the same God? The problem with just believing in science though is that there is still an emptiness inside me that can't be explained. I want to try to understand. I don't want to be confused for my whole life. I want to know what is true. This morning on the news the reporter was asking people where they would like to see peace in the world and one man said "within myself" and I whole-heartedly agreed." [12.25.06]
"I stopped putting my faith in God and instead subscribed to a faith rooted in science. Then I thought that maybe God didn't exist at all - that he was just created by world governments in order to control humankind. After deciding God must be a fabrication, then sin must also be a fabrication in order to keep people in line. So I began to do all the things I had always condemned others for doing. But if sin is just a fabrication, why do I feel so guilty? I think deep down I know the reason but I don't want to believe it's true. Because if I believe God exists then I have to give up everything." [07.17.07]
"I went to a bible study today.. I always have a hard time with religion and today was no exception. I feel like the New Testament is overly preachy - a checklist of things I must do in order to be the "perfect Christian". Does such a thing even really exist??"[10.03.07]
My journey to where I am now has definitely been an interesting one. For the first time this summer I realized the message I had been missing as a Christian was one of GRACE. I always felt as if God was abandoning me and judging me for the things I had done. Looking back now I realize I was rejecting him. I didn't want His grace - I wanted to try to earn my own salvation. No wonder I felt alone and frustrated. Leadership Training has definitely helped change this outlook for me, and I am so thankful that God used the opportunity to show me how He loves me persistently and unconditionally. I no longer have to fear being alone. =)
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Personal Statement!
My brain feels so out of shape. The 3+months of summer vacation have definitely encased my mind in what feels like a large cotton blanket and now I am having trouble shaking it off and getting started on my personal statement for law school.
The problem is, I've never been great at "defining" myself. I've had a pretty normal home-life, I make good grades, I did well on my LSAT, I've done the expected summer internship in D.C., and I've got great letters of recommendation. But none of that stuff really makes me "special". On the surface I just look like every other starry-eyed undergraduate applying to law school.
Sometimes I think it would be great to talk about my faith. It definitely has impacted me in that I have chosen to go on service trips and volunteer projects that I wouldn't have decided to do unless I had been involved with the church. And the reason I want to become a lawyer is so that I can help defend the poor and the defenseless, not because I want to make tons of money. The only caveat to talking about my faith, though, is that it may distance me from the reader, especially if they have a hard time relating to Christianity or make the assumption that I am close-minded because of my religion.
Maybe if I stare at the computer screen long enough though an idea will come to me.....
The problem is, I've never been great at "defining" myself. I've had a pretty normal home-life, I make good grades, I did well on my LSAT, I've done the expected summer internship in D.C., and I've got great letters of recommendation. But none of that stuff really makes me "special". On the surface I just look like every other starry-eyed undergraduate applying to law school.
Sometimes I think it would be great to talk about my faith. It definitely has impacted me in that I have chosen to go on service trips and volunteer projects that I wouldn't have decided to do unless I had been involved with the church. And the reason I want to become a lawyer is so that I can help defend the poor and the defenseless, not because I want to make tons of money. The only caveat to talking about my faith, though, is that it may distance me from the reader, especially if they have a hard time relating to Christianity or make the assumption that I am close-minded because of my religion.
Maybe if I stare at the computer screen long enough though an idea will come to me.....
Monday, August 3, 2009
I Really Do...
hate this feeling.
"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay
"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay
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