Legally Liza

My friend A.M. was in town this weekend and found it amusing to refer to me as "Legally Liza" every time he had the opportunity. The truth is, I've completed only half a semester of law school and I still feel like maybe I am here illegally. Pretty soon ICE is going to come and deport me back to undergrad.

Being in law school is like returning to high school. We have lockers. We have class together with the same group of people. I've had to return to using my backpack, because I am no longer just carrying around paperback versions of the Iliad or Uncle Tom's Cabin but 1,000+ page casebooks, notebooks, supplements, and 20 highlighters of varying colors. On any given day, it probably weighs close to 50 pounds. I have a lunchbox. And because we are around each other all day every day, there is gossip. Lots of it.

Don't get me wrong, most of the time I LOVE Law school. I like reading the opinions, figuring out the rules of law that apply, and trying to guess the ending before I get there. I like how after I finish underlining all the relevant things in the case in my color-coded strategy that it looks like a rainbow of information. I like how my professors make jibes at us if we are unprepared, and continue to find ways to make us laugh at ourselves and the material. I think that without this humor (and the fear that I will get called on and ridiculed), I would fall asleep in every class.

And that's probably what I was most unprepared for. I spend roughly 15 hours a day in class or reading. I typically go to bed at 1:30 or 2, and wake up at 7:00. Thursday and Friday get a little better, but for the most part its grueling schedule. Before I was to lazy to make a pot of coffee, but now it's the first thing I do every morning. Yesterday I bought 3 12-packs of diet coke so that I have some variety in my caffeine intake. The other thing I was unprepared for was the extreme loneliness that haunts you every day. Studying law is not really best done in groups. Its done alone, in your cubicle, surrounded by books. Luckily I have great classmates that plan some social events to break up this monotony, but usually I am alone. For an extremely sociable person like me, it's my equivalent of hell.

The other life-saving thing about law school is my acapella group, Headnotes. Its the one thing I look forward to, and we rehearse twice a week. For some reason, belting out high notes and hearing all of our voices come together in perfect harmony is a better stress-reliever than yoga. We have a few performances coming up next month and I am really excited to finally be performing again in front of people.

Although I occasionally feel upset about things, I try to remember that every transition takes time. Maybe soon I will begin to feel like I am part of this institution; but for right now I still feel like a stranger in a strange land...

LSAT in 7 Days & I'm freaking out...

I can't remember a time when one test had me going this insane. All of my co-workers, family members, friends, and my boyfriend are getting tired of hearing me panic over the LSAT. The problem is every time one of them tells me "Don't freak out" I just end up panic-ing even more. I know this is completely detrimental to my studying but I can't help it. I'm starting to worry I might have a mental breakdown before I even get to the test...

The problem isn't understanding the question types. When I'm not in a time-crunch I get them all right. But when I'm forced to answer the questions in 35 minutes or less I end up running out of time or not thinking through the answer choices fully because I'm trying to rush so I answer them all. Today I attempted to do Pacing sections which are small sections that you can do to time yourself and I'm still not finishing on time! The weird thing is right around the time of Final Exams I took a practice test and finished every section well before time with a 165. Now I'm scoring high 150s and low 160s. What the heck happened?

I could blame it all on my job, but let's not even get started on that. I'm working on setting some boundaries in my professional life right now to prevent me from becoming a work-aholic. We'll save that topic for another time. But the reality is my confidence is shaken and I'm not sure how to get it back. The second problem is that I really don't feel passionate about law school in itself; I just see it as a means to an end. Ideally I would be able to use my legal knowledge to help non-profit groups be more successful. I want to go to third-world countries and assist them with trade agreements so that they don't continue getting screwed over by larger countries who will take advantage of them. When it comes down to it, I just want to help people. But I can't ever get to that point if I can't accomplish the first step, which is simply to get admitted into a law school....

I'm starting to wonder if this is even what God has planned for me. I feel like if I was truly following God's will then it wouldn't feel like I was fighting so hard all the time to force the outcome I wanted. But maybe I have it all wrong. Maybe God wants me to have to fight for it. I really don't know. I've been praying about it and asking for guidance but it seems like all I'm getting right now is the heavenly busy signal. And that is just making me question if the absence of any answer is a sign that I'm praying to a big empty whole in the sky...

So if you're reading this, I could really use your prayers, well-wishes, and encouragment to help get me through this next week. It's going to be challenging me physically, spiritually, and mentally!